Hi everyone,
Sorry it has been a while. I couldn't come up with something creative to write. I still can't. But I have to write this down, it makes me crazy. I am fighting so hard for school. I'm on the university. I always wanted this. But my disease is making it very hard for me. I've had bad problems with my spine. It isn't getting better, because my stomach can't handle the painkillers anymore, so I can't take that much painkillers now. And it doesn't feel like the worst thing at this moment. A few days ago, N. changed his profile pic on Whatsapp. I blocked him for a while now, so I have less temptation to talk to him. But I can still see his pic. He is with a girl. And he got that same pic on his Facebook. I think she is his new girlfriend. I hate myself for not getting in contact with him, now it's too late. I miss him so fucking much. I did dream about him last night. He just held me. And I could smell him. It was so nice, until I woke up. I need to continue with not having contact with him. He is way better off without me. She is better for him. But it still hurts. It's over between us for eight months now. And I still want to be with him. Maybe it's for the best he got a new girlfriend. She is good to him. And I will never be. I'll try to be happy with the thought he is. I have to. I've hurt him too much already.
Luckily he doesn't read this blog anymore.
I still love you, N. I'm sorry for everything.
Love,
Rose
Sorry it has been a while. I couldn't come up with something creative to write. I still can't. But I have to write this down, it makes me crazy. I am fighting so hard for school. I'm on the university. I always wanted this. But my disease is making it very hard for me. I've had bad problems with my spine. It isn't getting better, because my stomach can't handle the painkillers anymore, so I can't take that much painkillers now. And it doesn't feel like the worst thing at this moment. A few days ago, N. changed his profile pic on Whatsapp. I blocked him for a while now, so I have less temptation to talk to him. But I can still see his pic. He is with a girl. And he got that same pic on his Facebook. I think she is his new girlfriend. I hate myself for not getting in contact with him, now it's too late. I miss him so fucking much. I did dream about him last night. He just held me. And I could smell him. It was so nice, until I woke up. I need to continue with not having contact with him. He is way better off without me. She is better for him. But it still hurts. It's over between us for eight months now. And I still want to be with him. Maybe it's for the best he got a new girlfriend. She is good to him. And I will never be. I'll try to be happy with the thought he is. I have to. I've hurt him too much already.
Luckily he doesn't read this blog anymore.
I still love you, N. I'm sorry for everything.
Love,
Rose