Well... Still trying to realize the news from my cardiologist, the fact that I can collapse any minute every day is so creepy. I can't let it go yet, but that'll be better. My friends believe in me, they believe I am strong and I can handle this. So, I decided not to disappoint them. Is it a choice to feel what you feel? I don't know if it is in my case, I think it is, partly. My fear will stay. But I can get depressed and scared.. Or I keep on being happy, loving the little things and enjoy life, I mean, if I keep living till I am 80, I don't want to waste it, but if I collapse, and maybe worse, next month, I don't want to waste it either!! I do notice I need to take the time for this news. I cry so much. I feel like crying, but I ran out of tears. Now I'm slowly feeling more and more empty. But I will hold on, I didn't have any goals left.. But I have found one, which isn't a good goal according to some people, because it involves the meaning of other people and there's a 'not' in it, but it helps me to keep my head up. So I don't care. My goal..? To not disappoint my friends, stay strong and show people how good life can be. Well.. I hope I can hold on to that. I'll try..
Love, Rose