Hi everyone!
I'm so tired of everyting. It seems like the drama never stops in my life. When I finally got the solution to something or learned of to deal with something, something else happens. I really like to help people, and not all of the problems are of other people, most are mine, but I can't even help them.. All I can do is hope and wait. On the other hand.. Life would be quite boring if nothing would be happening. I do like being busy and try to find the solution to stuff.. But some things are so hard I don't want to have to deal with them.. Does that make me weak? I don't know... Maybe. I'm scared. D. is still able to make an end on his life, I think. He doesn't say it litterally, but he does say he don't want to live anymore and he is so extremely down. I wish I could do something more than just be there for him. Luckily C. and my friends are here for me very good as well. I talk a lot about D. with N.. N. knows D. to, so that makes things easier to understand.. I wonder how everything is, a month from now. I can't imagine how life will be over a year, or more. Not because I can't, but because I'm scared things will screw up any way... I did have dreams and hopes for the future, but they got ruined by my exes, my diagnosis or me.. But I really think C. is a good one. I can laugh so good with him, but he is there for me when things aren't going well too. I hope it'll work out. I'm so scared of screwing things up or losing him I don't even want to fantasize about a future with him.. Not because he isn't good for me.. But to me, the chances of losing him are big... So yeah.. I don't know. Maybe I am overreacting. But it really feels like this...
Love,
Rose
I'm so tired of everyting. It seems like the drama never stops in my life. When I finally got the solution to something or learned of to deal with something, something else happens. I really like to help people, and not all of the problems are of other people, most are mine, but I can't even help them.. All I can do is hope and wait. On the other hand.. Life would be quite boring if nothing would be happening. I do like being busy and try to find the solution to stuff.. But some things are so hard I don't want to have to deal with them.. Does that make me weak? I don't know... Maybe. I'm scared. D. is still able to make an end on his life, I think. He doesn't say it litterally, but he does say he don't want to live anymore and he is so extremely down. I wish I could do something more than just be there for him. Luckily C. and my friends are here for me very good as well. I talk a lot about D. with N.. N. knows D. to, so that makes things easier to understand.. I wonder how everything is, a month from now. I can't imagine how life will be over a year, or more. Not because I can't, but because I'm scared things will screw up any way... I did have dreams and hopes for the future, but they got ruined by my exes, my diagnosis or me.. But I really think C. is a good one. I can laugh so good with him, but he is there for me when things aren't going well too. I hope it'll work out. I'm so scared of screwing things up or losing him I don't even want to fantasize about a future with him.. Not because he isn't good for me.. But to me, the chances of losing him are big... So yeah.. I don't know. Maybe I am overreacting. But it really feels like this...
Love,
Rose