Well, this is pretty soon, isn't it. Not going to write a big piece, but I need to write something. My mind isn't letting me go. You all know about my disease, right? And about K.? Don't get me wrong, he totally accepts it. Now and in the future, all the consequences. He knows the risks, and more important, he is willing to take them for me. I feel even more in love when he says that.. But I can't stop feeling guilty. With another girl he'll have a much better future. I'll be in more pain than I am now, I won't be able to do all the things I can do now, and I already can't do as much as a healthy girl now... A healthy girl could do lots more of activities with him, wouldn't nag about pain all the time, give him more confidence about their future, give him children of it's own... With way less risks... I know he loves me, and I really don't want him to leave me, don't get me wrong. But I just feel like he could be so much happier with a healthy girl... Less worries, less tears, less pain, physical and mental. My body is affecting my future, and since he chose to be with me, it'll affect his too. I don't get it. Why would he do that for me? He could get a much better girl... A healthy one... I really want to share a future with him... But he deserves so much better than my future, filled with pain and my disease... He means so much to me I would push him away to give him a nice future. But I can't, I want him. I know he won't let me push him away. He wants my future. I don't really know how to handle that. I never thought I'd met a guy who'd do this, accept this future, just for me... I don't deserve a guy like K... Well, I guess the situation is out of my head, I should try and sleep some more... Sweet dreams everyone.
Love, Rose